Ali chooses Love…Will it Last?

Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky with fiance

Bachelorette Fedotowsky steps out with fiancé Robert Martinezo in Hollywood

Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky steps out with fiancé Roberto Martinez in Hollywood after the season finale revealed she accepts his proposal. An adorable couple I rooted for all season, I wish them both the best, but have doubts they’ll make it in the long run with their impulsive decision to move in together right away, oh my. Sadly, couples who live together before marriage have an even higher risk of break up than couples who wait for marriage to cohabitant. Not only that, Ali & Roberto have the Bachelor/Bachelorette curse of less than 10% making it down the aisle. The show has exactly two couples who have. And although last night was the franchise’s highest rated finale since 2004, as a Love Coach my main concern for the couple’s chances of success is that they have rushed into moving in together, long before the relationship has had any time to mature. Such a bummer. Ali & Roberto had the most in common, the strongest chemistry, and best shot of a life after the show. Yes, she really liked Frank too, but even if another girl did NOT come back in the picture, Frank was not the best choice for Ali when you look at the whole package–he had recently given up a solid career to pursue a Hollywood dream of writing a yet unwritten screenplay and still lives at home…not exactly currently in a place to support a wife. I’m all for pursuing your dreams, but he could have written his screenplay and kept his day job until he got his break!).

Back to my point about why I’m bummed they rushed to move in together. Once a relationship rushes into sex, communication and respect slow down or cease because the focus is on chemistry. Now that they live together he no longer has to work at winning her over and the relationship will settle into everyday life of “playing house” long before there is a foundation and history together other than the bubble of a fantasy relationship developed in front of the cameras. Thus a relationship that had all the potential to work out in the long run may fall apart merely because they skipped the vital step of laying the foundation. Time will tell.

Does Shacking Up FIRST help you choose better?

According to a new national study, 70% of young couples are shacking up before they get married, to “try out” the relationship to see if they have what it takes for the long haul. Sounds logical right? I mean, if you want to make the RIGHT choice, should you really think it through and try it out before you commit to forever?
No, no no!
I wish I could grab you all and say, “wake up, honey!” I am actually thrilled this scientific study was just completed. 1000 young men and women were surveyed (between the ages of 18-34) and the results are in.
If you shack up first, you are more likely to divorce! Not surprising (to me at least) the main reason couples move in together first is NOT because they are “in love”. They move in together because it is convenient and they are not sure if this is the one….or shall we be more direct here…one of the two is not ready to commit! Later they end up getting married because they are addicted to each other, time has passed and “it’s the thing to do,” they’ve bought property together and it’s too complicated NOT to wed, they don’t want to part with their dog they share, or one of the two nudges the other to finally commit. They final wed, then usually within 10 years or less, divorce.
My advice? If you are in love, fabulous, get married, but don’t shack up first. You owe it to yourself and your future mate.