We’ve just put our house on the market and have been shopping around for another house. There were certain changes and improvements we wanted to make on the old house and figured it would be easier to trade it in for a new, smaller, more “perfect”-for-us home. After collapsing on our couch back home after a Sunday of looking  at new homes, my husband and I had to laugh. Nothing compared to the wonderful layout and space of our current home and in fact, any of the changes would have to be done on the other homes we looked at if we move…and get this…it was my husband who then made the following analogy (hmmm, maybe he would make a good relationship coach too)… Will (my man) pointed out that our disenchantment with our current home is so like many married couples who get caught up in what’s NOT working and decide to look elsewhere into “greener pastures” rather than realize it’s so much wiser to fjust ix what you’ve got. because no matter who the new love it, the relationship still includes YOU. 

It’s amazing that it took us looking at other homes to realize how good we’ve got it. Luckily we didn’t sell ours first. I hope you don’t rush out and dump your current relationship the minute times get tough because hard times happen to EVERY person and EVERY relationship because relationships include people!

In 2009 may you count your blessings in your life and love and work on what you can do to appreciate and improve what you’ve got rather than rushing out to exchange your flawed love for someone else. Chances are many of the difficulties your relationship are things that can be worked out if you just try and see both sides of the problem. Afterall, there are two perspectives to everything–yours and his. He may be wrong, but at least try and understand how he came to that conclusion or behavior.

Of all the marriage counseling I did last year, 95% of the problems were common problems in every male/female relationship and not marriage ending conflict. Sadly we are all a bit too narcisistic for our own good. Sure your man may be being a brat right now, but he may just be reacting to you being a needy, unreasonable or just plain nagging. So take a step back, count your blessings and TRY and see his side before you lash out that your needs have not been met. You may find yourself with a remodeled man just by how you change your automatic responses to him! Now that’s an home improvement worth making!

I just finished reading Celebrity Detox by Rosie O’Donell. My complete review is below. What I took most from her book is a lesson for all of us…beware of placing unfair and unrealistic expectation on others to fill the void in your life someone ELSE left. Rosie is desperately seeking a “perfect mother figure” to be what her deceased mother never was. What Rosie really seeks is God and she keeps being devastated everytime her godlike idols/heros let her down by revealing their human imperfection. Look into your recent disappointment in relationships. Were you expecting too much from him/her? Did you put that person on a pedestal they were destined to fall off? No human can make you happy. Happiness can only be found within and with a relationship with your creator. Victorya Rogers CELEBRITY DETOX, the review I have been a longtime fan of the talk show personality of Rosie O’Donnell, even tho’ I do not agree with her personal views (let’s just say I am more Elisabeth Hasselbeck than Rosie O’Donnell). As a talk show host Rosie was the perfect host because she made it okay for every day people to be intrigued with the celebrities she interviewed. After all, Rosie was into her guests as much as the audience. She was and is authentic and real, even with her extremely rough edges and all. Thus I enjoyed her autobiography CELEBRITY DETOX. It is all over the board and abruptly goes from one thing to the other but not in an irritating way, more so in the way I bet she lives her life. The book makes it clear she is a victim of abuse desperately seeking salvation from her wounds but searching in places salvation can not be found–in the arms of her two celebrity heros/icons Barbra Streisand and Barbara Walters both of whome were also heros of her mothers. Tho’ only alluded to, it is apparent that Rosie was not only abandoned by her mother when she died when Rosie was 10, but she was also betrayed and unprotected by her mother–3 issues that have haunted her and continue to haunt her–abandonement, betrayal and unprotection. Rosie told her mom of the abuse in the only way she could…her mom humored her to the extent of literally cutting down the tree “bad man” climbed up, but when Rosie told her it didn’t work, the bad man still comes in her room at night, her mom betrayed her by calling her a liar and implying Rosie would lose her love if she didn’t drop this lie. So Rosie lived on with the abuse, defending herself by breaking her own bones to obtain not only attention but “nightime weapons” with the casts. Heartbreaking for any little girl to live through. I am not surprised that she was more devastated by Barbara Walters’ betrayal than she was of Donald Trump’s public annialation of her. She already thought of Donald Trump as a pathetic human being. He can only hurt her in the pocket book. She was devasted by Barbara Walters because she made Barbara her surrogate mother so much so she hoped Barbara would do everything RIGHT her mother did WRONG–i.e. protect her and definitely NOT abandon her nor betray her. By not defending her to Donald Trump and the public Ms. Walters did everything Rosie’s mother did to her–left her once more alone, unprotected and open to abuse.

Do you want to know how to get him back after you’re (temporarily) rejected? Here is my secret that is sure to have your man’s head spinning and you on the way to getting exactly what you want!Just hold your head up high, be cool and let him go when he says he wants out (or just disappears) no matter how much it hurts. If someone doesn’t think they want to be with you, let them have the freedom to experience life without you. What good does that do? Wonders! Trust me. Because your LACK of a screaming bitter fit leaves him doubting his decision to leave. You see when you let him go when he’s gone already, you are just accepting what’s already done rather than fighting what can’t be changed in the immediate here and now. What you GAIN is that your man leaves thinking “Wow, I thought she’d hate me and she’s okay with this? Wow, maybe I was wrong…” No matter how painful letting go is for you, force yourself to be classy in the face of rejection. You leave the door open for him to come back at some point in the future–that might be a week or a year. Either way, when he comes back, you are in the driving seat. You see, you are a magnetic woman who faces your own pain, mourns your loss, then moves on with your life. So when your ex comes back you may or may not want him back depending on where you are in your life at that point. What a great place to be! Believe me that has happened to me on several occasions and you know what? I didn’t want them back when they came back because I was able to see them for who they really were–and they weren’t men worth keeping! To get all my dating secrets sign up for my Newsletter Below or check out my latest book…

The Automatic 2nd Date is the ONLY book on the market that covers every detail about the most important date with any man–the FIRST date, including how to get that first date.