About 3 years ago Marie Osmond arrived in Los Angeles with two of her seven children to visit her best friend and speak to a group of young girls. She had brought her youngest of girls along only because she had this annoying intuition that she HAD to bring her, even tho’ it was going to be very inconvenient to bring a toddler on a business trip. Awaking to the morning news, she quickly saw WHY her intuition kept demanding she bring the child–her home in Utah had caught fire in the night destroying their garage, Marie’s office and the bedroom of the two girls with her–everyone else survived. If she had NOT brought her two little girls on this trip, chances are they would have died in the blaze. This is how this book of memories from Mare’s life opens. All of Marie’s journals she had faithfully written over the years sadly burned in the fire. So when the publishers asked her to write this book she had to sit down to reminisce afresh on memories that helped shape who she is today. The results an endearing look into a real person we can all relate to. She encourages us all to pay attention to our “gut” and intuition as it can prevent us from disaster (i.e. the fire) and to listen to the lessons we come upon at inconvenient and unexpected times to help us make the right choices (i.e the encounter she had with a bitter drunken Shelly Winters, the Oscar winning star, about how she wished SHE had spent more time with her own daughter). There are several mystic encounters Osmond shares which you have to take her word for. She is a woman who passionately believes in her personal faith in her God and has charming stories to share of parenthood, midlife and womanhood.This is NOT an autobiography of her entire life, rather it is glimpses of her life since motherhood , including her divorce from her 2nd husband, with a lot of emphasis on her time on Dancing with the Stars. A throughly fun read–I read the entire book on a cross-country flight and was left wanting even more.

We’ve just put our house on the market and have been shopping around for another house. There were certain changes and improvements we wanted to make on the old house and figured it would be easier to trade it in for a new, smaller, more “perfect”-for-us home. After collapsing on our couch back home after a Sunday of looking  at new homes, my husband and I had to laugh. Nothing compared to the wonderful layout and space of our current home and in fact, any of the changes would have to be done on the other homes we looked at if we move…and get this…it was my husband who then made the following analogy (hmmm, maybe he would make a good relationship coach too)… Will (my man) pointed out that our disenchantment with our current home is so like many married couples who get caught up in what’s NOT working and decide to look elsewhere into “greener pastures” rather than realize it’s so much wiser to fjust ix what you’ve got. because no matter who the new love it, the relationship still includes YOU. 

It’s amazing that it took us looking at other homes to realize how good we’ve got it. Luckily we didn’t sell ours first. I hope you don’t rush out and dump your current relationship the minute times get tough because hard times happen to EVERY person and EVERY relationship because relationships include people!

In 2009 may you count your blessings in your life and love and work on what you can do to appreciate and improve what you’ve got rather than rushing out to exchange your flawed love for someone else. Chances are many of the difficulties your relationship are things that can be worked out if you just try and see both sides of the problem. Afterall, there are two perspectives to everything–yours and his. He may be wrong, but at least try and understand how he came to that conclusion or behavior.

Of all the marriage counseling I did last year, 95% of the problems were common problems in every male/female relationship and not marriage ending conflict. Sadly we are all a bit too narcisistic for our own good. Sure your man may be being a brat right now, but he may just be reacting to you being a needy, unreasonable or just plain nagging. So take a step back, count your blessings and TRY and see his side before you lash out that your needs have not been met. You may find yourself with a remodeled man just by how you change your automatic responses to him! Now that’s an home improvement worth making!

Late last night I just finished Trish Ryan’s book HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME NOT. Wow, this is a must read for ANY WOMAN who has ever made even one bad decision at love, even more so, for any woman who has ever searched for the meaning of life or love. Not since Lauren Winner’s GIRL MEETS GOD have I loved a writer’s “voice” and style so much. This is the kind of book you will want to grab and cuddle up with on your couch, at your poolside, or any place you can be alone to enter the author’s world and devour its pages. You don’t have to love memoirs to love HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME NOT. Sure, you will see portions of yourself, but more importantly, if you’re looking for God, you will find him here! For ladies still searching for God, Trish will show you to way to find him. For those of you who already met God, you’ll be humbled to see how our words and deeds affect those around us for good or for evil–yikes. I look forward to many more books written by Trish Ryan. In the meantime, I hope millions of you pick up this book and continue on your own journey to love and to God.

Heather Locklear was arrested near Santa Barbara this weekend for being under the influence of perscription medicine. Of course, USA TODAY gave a false headline of “Heather arrested under a count of DUI.” Be thankful you are NOT a celebrity. Life is hard enough without the scrutiny of your every move–especially in the midst of heartbreak and tough times. Woe to you who judge so harshly as we don’t know the whole story! No celebrity signs on for total loss of privacy. The craziness of the paparazzi has only been in the last 10 years (Locklear has been a star for 20 years). No one desires to be harassed and publicly defamed! Was it illegal for her to drive under the influence of perscriptions. Yes. Like every citizen, she is having to pay the price (the wonderful news is that no one was physically hurt). 

YOU and DEFAMATION of YOUR CHARACTER

All that being said, wow, have you ever been in a messy breakup? You know, the kind when everyone in your circle of friends and HIS family and friends is bombarded with false accusations about you, making you out to be the problem, the crazy one, the “bad guy”, when in fact the truth is the reverse? Very painful and “crazy making”. What can you do when you suffer defamation of character (a legal term for having your reputation publicly shredded)? What can Heather do?

My best advice I can give is actually the hardest thing to do, but in the long run it will pay off. My advice? Take a step back. Breathe. And do NOT defend yourself. If you resort to fighting back and jumping into a “he-said-she-said” game or worse, you will look even more guilty. Step out of the fight for your reputation and heal by mourning the loss, getting help where you need it and surrounding yourself with people who truly care about you. It is in the time of crisis you find out who your friends really are. Perhaps that is what Heather is about to learn.  Here’s to Heather and hoping she has close SAFE friends to help her through this difficult time and if she does have a “perscription problem” that she gets the help she needs in privacy. And here’s to you my readers, may your accusers be exposed for who/what they are in due season. More importantly, may you let go of the fight and move on to take care of you and pursuing the life you were meant to live.

I just finished reading Celebrity Detox by Rosie O’Donell. My complete review is below. What I took most from her book is a lesson for all of us…beware of placing unfair and unrealistic expectation on others to fill the void in your life someone ELSE left. Rosie is desperately seeking a “perfect mother figure” to be what her deceased mother never was. What Rosie really seeks is God and she keeps being devastated everytime her godlike idols/heros let her down by revealing their human imperfection. Look into your recent disappointment in relationships. Were you expecting too much from him/her? Did you put that person on a pedestal they were destined to fall off? No human can make you happy. Happiness can only be found within and with a relationship with your creator. Victorya Rogers CELEBRITY DETOX, the review I have been a longtime fan of the talk show personality of Rosie O’Donnell, even tho’ I do not agree with her personal views (let’s just say I am more Elisabeth Hasselbeck than Rosie O’Donnell). As a talk show host Rosie was the perfect host because she made it okay for every day people to be intrigued with the celebrities she interviewed. After all, Rosie was into her guests as much as the audience. She was and is authentic and real, even with her extremely rough edges and all. Thus I enjoyed her autobiography CELEBRITY DETOX. It is all over the board and abruptly goes from one thing to the other but not in an irritating way, more so in the way I bet she lives her life. The book makes it clear she is a victim of abuse desperately seeking salvation from her wounds but searching in places salvation can not be found–in the arms of her two celebrity heros/icons Barbra Streisand and Barbara Walters both of whome were also heros of her mothers. Tho’ only alluded to, it is apparent that Rosie was not only abandoned by her mother when she died when Rosie was 10, but she was also betrayed and unprotected by her mother–3 issues that have haunted her and continue to haunt her–abandonement, betrayal and unprotection. Rosie told her mom of the abuse in the only way she could…her mom humored her to the extent of literally cutting down the tree “bad man” climbed up, but when Rosie told her it didn’t work, the bad man still comes in her room at night, her mom betrayed her by calling her a liar and implying Rosie would lose her love if she didn’t drop this lie. So Rosie lived on with the abuse, defending herself by breaking her own bones to obtain not only attention but “nightime weapons” with the casts. Heartbreaking for any little girl to live through. I am not surprised that she was more devastated by Barbara Walters’ betrayal than she was of Donald Trump’s public annialation of her. She already thought of Donald Trump as a pathetic human being. He can only hurt her in the pocket book. She was devasted by Barbara Walters because she made Barbara her surrogate mother so much so she hoped Barbara would do everything RIGHT her mother did WRONG–i.e. protect her and definitely NOT abandon her nor betray her. By not defending her to Donald Trump and the public Ms. Walters did everything Rosie’s mother did to her–left her once more alone, unprotected and open to abuse.

  Here’s another question I am asked virtually every time I speak on relationships… What do you do when a guy gives you HIS number rather than asks for yours? That’s easy if you are looking for a romantic relationship rather than another platonic friendship or temporary hook-up. A man is only interested in the women HE pursues, not the women who pursue him. If he tells you to call him, he’s not that into you. Most likely he just wants his ego to be stroked with a machine full of voice messages from female voices. No need to get upset or insulted however. After all, you can be flattered that he noticed you enough to slip you his card! It’s how you handle it that works for or against you. Here’s some quick tips on how to handle the phone number game. 1)    If a man offers his number and you are interested in him, say something like “Thanks, here’s mine” and leave it at that, just don’t call him. If he’s interested he’ll call. OR2)    If he offers you his business card, you can smile without saying a word. Then grab a pen, turn over his card and write YOUR number down then hand it back to him with a warm smile and walk away. OR3)    “Oh, thanks, but I’m an old fashion girl. If you want to get to know me, you’ll have to be making that first phone call. Then give him your card (or write it down) and give him huge smile as you turn and walk away. NOW, what do you do if he hands off his card and walks out before you can respond and you’re left thinking he just didn’t have time to ask for your number yet you REALLY want to see him? Can you call? No don’t call. But you can EMAIL him. Come up with a cute but brief email that says something like “I was intrigued meeting you the other days at such and such. You handed me your card but left before I could give you mine in return… If you want to get together, it’s your move.” Then put your phone number.  You can get creative, but basically you’re saying “I am interested if you call me.” You have nothing to lose with this casual email. If he wanted to get to know you, he’ll call. If he doesn’t, you haven’t lost anything and your ego is still in tact.Here’s another question I am asked virtually every time I speak on relationships… What do you do when a guy gives you HIS number rather than asks for yours? That’s easy if you are looking for a romantic relationship rather than another platonic friendship or temporary hook-up. A man is only interested in the women HE pursues, not the women who pursue him. If he tells you to call him, he’s not that into you. Most likely he just wants his ego to be stroked with a machine full of voice messages from female voices. No need to get upset or insulted however. After all, you can be flattered that he noticed you enough to slip you his card! It’s how you handle it that works for or against you. Here’s some quick tips on how to handle the phone number game. 1)    If a man offers his number and you are interested in him, say something like “Thanks, here’s mine” and leave it at that, just don’t call him. If he’s interested he’ll call. OR2)    If he offers you his business card, you can smile without saying a word. Then grab a pen, turn over his card and write YOUR number down then hand it back to him with a warm smile and walk away. OR3)    “Oh, thanks, but I’m an old fashion girl. If you want to get to know me, you’ll have to be making that first phone call. Then give him your card (or write it down) and give him huge smile as you turn and walk away. NOW, what do you do if he hands off his card and walks out before you can respond and you’re left thinking he just didn’t have time to ask for your number yet you REALLY want to see him? Can you call? No don’t call. But you can EMAIL him. Come up with a cute but brief email that says something like “I was intrigued meeting you the other days at such and such. You handed me your card but left before I could give you mine in return… If you want to get together, it’s your move.” Then put your phone number.  You can get creative, but basically you’re saying “I am interested if you call me.” You have nothing to lose with this casual email. If he wanted to get to know you, he’ll call. If he doesn’t, you haven’t lost anything and your ego is still in tact.

Ever get frustrated with your dating relationships? Or shall a say the lack there of? Here’s an excerpt of an article that appeared today which I was interviewed for on Match.com…I Keep Getting Dumped  By Margot Carmichael Lester. Follow these 5 tips and you’ll be on the road to more fulfilling dates (with the bonus of feelings a bit in control at the same time. How’s that for a plus??)

 Have a fun 4th tomorrow.

I took part in my neighborhood garage sale yesterday. I have an overwhelming amount of STUFF that is just in my way, so I spent a week cleaning out, setting up and pricing each item (minimum of 75% off everything). The day came and man was I disappointed and irritable. Most every shopper haggled over things even priced at 50 cents (they wanted it cheaper). I even had an extra car for sale that is valued over $8500 in the blue book, My sign said “$7000 OBO” and someone at the garage sale actually offered $1000. Hey it’s a garage sale, why not? Then a grandma came by and wanted a book for her granddaughter that was one of my daughter’s favorite books. Painfully my daughter priced it at a $1 for this nice hard cover and the grandma kept haggling with my 5 year old daughter saying she only wanted to pay 25 cents. Then she opened her wallet full of cash and dug out a quarter to give to my daughter. It was shameful to rip off a little girl in my opinion. Come on Grandma, it was a little girl and you flaunted your cash in front of her. That was the way the 5 hour event went. Frankly, I turned down a lot of offers on some of my things because the offers were ridiculous and insulting. Instead of selling them, I’m turning around and happily GIVING them away to needy friends because I’d rather give it away and have someone cherish them than have them stolen from me for pennies. So there.

Okay, okay, so I’m over the disappointing garage sale. What is my take away from this event? First, if you want to get your money out of an item, don’t sell it at a garage sale. People only want dirt cheap, extremely underpriced bargains. So sell your valuables on Ebay or Craig’s list or through a classified ad.My second take away from the garage sale is that all of our daily experiences relate to another area of life. As a dating coach, of course I relate everything to relationships. So, have you ever been so hopeful for an upcoming first date that you seemingly spent the entire week getting ready, shopping for that special outfit, and hoping he would be “the one”, only to be disappointed when the day arrived and your man was a complete dud—far from the man you described on your ideal man list? Here’s the great news! If this happened, be thrilled that you have your wish list already written out and you realized you deserve better than the man who showed up for your date! You are far above most of today’s single women who figure “hey if he asks me out he must be worth it.” No he’s not. He has to measure up to what iyou truly want in a man to be worthy of your heart. If he clearly is not that man on date one, he’s not going to improve. Save yourself much anguish and move on. As Scarlet O’Hare says, “Tomorrow is another day.” And there will be another first date around the corner!

For more first date tips, check out my latest book The Automatic 2^nd Date and/or subscribe to my blog at www.mantokeep.com/blog.

Okay ladies, how do I stop you from rushing into another major mistake right after you come out of a devastating break-up? Today I had to carve out time to write this because yet another client and friend is doing exactly that! They have floated up to the clouds falling instanting in love and commitment. Yes, they’ve followed the common pattern of so many women and jumped into a rebound. When you’ve gone through a devastating break-up, please, for YOU, take a sabbatical from any serious relationship, no matter WHAT, until you heal and grow. This could take six months, a year or more. Do the work on yourself and take as much time as necessary for you to reflect on what happened and to face YOUR role in the break-up and why you were in that mess in the first place.You see, no matter how much the victim you are, there is ALWAYS a role you played in the mess, even if it is merely ignoring blaring red flags early on in the relationship. You have to face your part if you want to prevent it from being repeated in future relationships.

Don’t be like the many hurting women who rush into another relationship only to believe this new man is miraculously God-sent and the answer to everything you need. Trust me, whoever this new man is, he is a REAL person with REAL problems and just as much baggage as you (we ALL have baggage). Don’t rush in and believe he is perfect just because he is not your ex. All that will get you is a future heartbreak when you discover the truth that he is not all you thought he was.

Let time pass, then take any new relationship SLOW, no matter how perfect he seems. Pick up FINDING A MAN WORTH KEEPING and get do the work on yourself to find a man that will be worth the wait! For more dating tips and tactics, pick up my dating books and subscribe free to my blog at www.mantokeep.com/blog.