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I am in the middle of reading Barbara Walters autobiography AUDITION which I must say I am thoroughly enjoying. After reading her 600 page memoir it will be a shocking day for anyone to accuse her of being one of high moral standards (her multiple affairs are just one example), yet she seems completely unaware that she is lacking in that arena.

The reason for this post however is to bring up the reality that we, as humans, are prown to make impulsive decisions in the midst of tragedy or national crisis which is why doctors and hospital administrators always have you read and sign a document that basically says you will make no legally binding decisions during the next period of time while you recouperate. Barbara Walters had broken up with her longtime boyfriend just 3 months before President Kennedy was shot. Two weeks after that tragic day her exboyfriend showed up saying life is too short, let’s get married and in the midst of emotional and national insecurity they wed. We all remember the reality TV show about the then newlyweds Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey on MTV. But what probably missed much of the public’s attention but certainly not Jessica’s was that she didn’t really love Nick. In fact she had broken it off with him and was in the “getting over him stage” when the planes hit the Twin Towers on 9/11.  In an emotional panicked state she pulled out her phone, called Nick and said “I love you let’s get married.” and they did. Neither marriage worked. (I’m confident, at least at this moment, that Tony Romo is happy it didn’t work out).

How do we prevent making life altering impulsive decisions in the midst of an insecure world? Stay focused on what you want for your life. Stay close to God. And please, don’t run down the aisle and wed on impulse after any national disaster or personal crisis for that matter. Any marraige can wait six months after the engagement, when emotions have settled down and hopefully rational thinking has returned.

Christie Brinkley appears to be a classy and lovely lady that is simply unlucky at love. Afterall, this is her FOURTH marriage. And her divorce trial with Peter Cook is the uglilest of them all. Check out what the psychiatrist had to say on the stand today during their divorce trial: CNN Report on Psychiatrist at Brinkley divorce .

How could her choices have gotten worse each time for Christie and even perhaps for you? The sad thing is, unless you take the time to really look at where you’ve been and ponder all your past relationships to see the similarities and patterns you are falling into, you will continue to attract the SAME type of man over and over, even tho’ each looks different on the outside and perhaps different in livelihoods.

Ahh, but there is hope for Christie Brinkley and there’s hope for you. Love yourself enough to look inside, find out where you’ve been and decide exactly where you want to go–write it out even! If you know what you really want in a relationship, you will recognize him when he shows up and more importantly you’ll see the red flags on the next WRONG guy early enough to save your heart. Afterall, I promise you’ll get hints of some kind early on if your guy has similar problems Peter Cook apparently has–”a “narcissist who constantly needs to have his insatiable ego fed or has a $300 a month porno addiction.” The signs are ALWAYS there if you just pay attention to what you get and not get swept up in the emotions of chemistry.

Ever get frustrated with your dating relationships? Or shall a say the lack there of? Here’s an excerpt of an article that appeared today which I was interviewed for on Match.com…I Keep Getting Dumped  By Margot Carmichael Lester. Follow these 5 tips and you’ll be on the road to more fulfilling dates (with the bonus of feelings a bit in control at the same time. How’s that for a plus??)

 Have a fun 4th tomorrow.

I am a huge promoter of blind dates and set-ups by friends, relatives and co-workers. Afterall, in one year and a half I went on over 100 of these dates (which is why I wrote the book on how to get the automatic 2nd date). However I have to warn you that you will indeed be disappointed more often than thrilled with your friends and family’s choices for you. In fact, you may get downright insulted, as I did on ocassion. This typical scenario was the case in Monday’s episode of “Denise Richard’s: It’s Complicated“ when Richard’s best friend set her up with a non-celebrity. I must say, the guy was a dud. Come on now, what was her friend thinking? I hope Richards’ doesn’t categorize all non-celebrities, or blind dates in general, as duds from this one date.  

 Even when there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll be complete let-down, STILL allow your friends ti set you up. Why? because tho’ you’ll have disappointments, you can absolutely meet your perfect match that way. After all, there are people in your life who have access to awesome men that are otherwise untouchables to you. You need the introduction. And with a set up, it’s not l ike you’re doing the pursuing. You’re just letting him know you’d say YES if he asked. 

How do you increase your chances for a hot date rather than a dud? Come up with a list of exactly what you’re looking for in a man. If looks are important to you, say so and describe your “type”. Tell your friends the must-have qualities (faith and no outstanding warrants were two biggies for me). I came up with a catch-phrase to share when I let people know I was open to being set up. Casually I’d say “Hey, do you know any guys with the 4-S’s?” They would replay, “What does that mean?”

“You know, Single, Sexy, Successful and Saved?” If they took the bite I’d expand on what I meant. Ironically those who knew me the best set me up on some of the biggest duds which left me thinking “I can’t BELIEVE you set me up with him!.” Then there was my friend Cathy who introduced me to at least 3 blind dates and 2 set ups. I married the last one! 12 years later I’m still saying “Thank you Cathy!”

So even when your friends, like Denise Richards’ best friend, strike out big time with your set up, don’t give up. Your next blind date might just be your husband!

For more dating tips check out my website www.mantokeep.com or order my latest book The Automatic 2nd Date

Wow. I watched the first episode of the new reality show on the E! Channel “Denise Richards, It’s Complicated.” She said she did the show to expose to the world that she is not as bad as all the press makes her out to be. She’s tired of the reputation of one who stole her best friend’s (Heather Locklear’s) husband (Richie Sambora) and the disgruntled wife trying to destroy her husband’s (Charlie Sheen’s) reputation as she takes $40 from his fame.

Sadly, what you see on the show thus far does little to counter her bad press. For example, in Richards media appearances leading up to the show, she makes a big deal that she agreed to do this show because she has to feed her children just like all of us and she didn’t want a nanny raising her kids. That sounded great, but then you see on the show she has her dad, two nannies, and two assistants at her home to help her “raise her kids on her own.” 

I know, it’s complicated for her, and she’s living the mess in her mind so she doesn’t see how ludicrous this appears. To her, with her complicated and unfulfilled life, she NEEDS that much help for two kids, even though she brings about all the complications herself. But then again, she says on camera that she wouldn’t need two assistants if the first one did his f  &”#@%  job. You see it’s not her fault (maybe she doesn’t know that you can fire someone). Then there is her problem with dating and always going for the same type of man who happens to be famous bad boy rockers and movie stars. She shares her male preferences in colorful and descriptive language your child need not be present to hear. Basically she likes the bad boys and can’t help herself, even though by now she admits that all bad boys are serious trouble for her.

It’s really not as complicated as Denise feels. She is just a beautiful girl who is sadly very, very lost. She has so much on the outside and so little on the inside and yet she’s doing every thing she can to try and make it all work and fill that void. She even has 10 dogs, 3 pigs and 3 cats to try and fill her void and even that is not enough. Things, people, bad boys and animals don’t fill empitness inside.

So what is the answer for Denise and every other single woman who is chronically going for the bad boys yet wants to stop the madness? Only YOU can stop the madness for yourself by taking the time to find out what you want and how you got so far away from that. Here’s how: Take your computer or a blank journal off by yourself and ask God to reveal what is truly behind it all, including why you keep going for men you know upfront are really bad for you. There is a reason Denise Richards says she craves a marriage of 37 loving commited years likes her parents had, yet she does everything to avoid the possibility of that happening. Like Denise, for you to find the reason your life is so complicated, you have the willingness to stop and look at your past, your pain, your patterns, and your own choice to participate in what brought you where you are. You play a role in the mess you’re in. We all do.

 No matter how complicated your life, love yourself enough to stop, in a quiet place, and ask God to show you what is going on and to reveal to you steps to get you on track to the life you always wanted. (I promise, God’s plans for you are not boring. You can have an exciting relationship with men who are not bad guys who leave you!)

 For more dating and life secrets, go to my website www.mantokeep.com.

 Yes, people play games while dating and first dates are often feared as the most dreaded upcoming event, but it is also filled with anticipation of potentially the answer to your dreams. The emotions are all over the board. But there are concrete ways to dramatically improve the results of the quality and quantity of first dates as well as specific skills on turning every first date into an automatic 2^nd date—that is if you want to accept that second date with that individual! Anne Valdespino wrote a expose of what many singles in Southern California go through seeking and surviving first dates. Check out her article Dating games people play. On the set up front she states statistics that merely 12% of the time you’ll be happy with a set-up from a relative and 17% of the time you’ll smile at the set-up by a friend. Here’s the deal, sure there is no guarantee you’ll like who you’re set up with, but you can improve your chances by letting your family and friends know exactly WHAT you’re looking for before they match you up. You will dramatically improve those stats if you do that all the way up to a 50/50 chance of a huge smile when that date appears—and that’s quite an improvement. PLUS if you work on your first date communication skills (connecting with eye contact, asking questions to draw him out and actually listening to his answers, and definitely avoiding TMI—too much information—especially about your baggage and horrifying details about your past love life) you will transform your dating success. Check out my latest book THE AUTOMATIC 2^nd DATE for over 200 pages with step by step details and turn your dread of that next first date into anticipation of a fun night and maybe, just maybe, “the One”.

Okay, so I’ve been doing a lot of radio interviews lately on morning rock and roll stations–edgy morning shows. Out of my comfort zone, but hey, for you, I’ve gone there. As you may or may not expect, the male DJs and I have opposing view points which have made for fun, energized and colorful interviews for their audiences. The talk always comes down to “hop in the sack or don’t hop in the sack”. They ask me directly so I have to tell them directly–if you sleep with him you won’t get to keep him. Certain things about human behavior NEVER changes no matter how the “times” change and the “morals” seem to change. If you want a relationship that will lead to marriage then definitely DON’T sleep with him. He will NOT commit to you if you are easy for him to catch.

Once I’ve answered their direct questions, the DJs go on and on, in lively banter of how old fashion that is and how they wouldn’t date a girl like that and how they’ve continued seeing a lot of ladies who slept with them, even on a first date, even had a few “long term relationships” that way that were a blast. And “Come on, she was having a good time too and she wanted it as much as I did.”

So I then ask, “Are you married to any of them.” And each and every one of the DJs have answered “Well, no, but I’ve had some fun times and great memories and so has she, but I haven’t met The One for that yet.”

I am in the business of helping women make better choices in relationships. If you want to find true love with a guy who will willingly marry you rather than use you while having several other women on the side, then take my proven advice and see how it is confirmed even by the very DJs who poke fun at my tips by their own personal actions–When you put out it comes back to you 100%, just not in the way you hoped it would. If you sleep with him, you don’t get to keep him.

For more dating tips, go to my website mantokeep.com or pick up my latest book The Automatic 2nd Date.

I took part in my neighborhood garage sale yesterday. I have an overwhelming amount of STUFF that is just in my way, so I spent a week cleaning out, setting up and pricing each item (minimum of 75% off everything). The day came and man was I disappointed and irritable. Most every shopper haggled over things even priced at 50 cents (they wanted it cheaper). I even had an extra car for sale that is valued over $8500 in the blue book, My sign said “$7000 OBO” and someone at the garage sale actually offered $1000. Hey it’s a garage sale, why not? Then a grandma came by and wanted a book for her granddaughter that was one of my daughter’s favorite books. Painfully my daughter priced it at a $1 for this nice hard cover and the grandma kept haggling with my 5 year old daughter saying she only wanted to pay 25 cents. Then she opened her wallet full of cash and dug out a quarter to give to my daughter. It was shameful to rip off a little girl in my opinion. Come on Grandma, it was a little girl and you flaunted your cash in front of her. That was the way the 5 hour event went. Frankly, I turned down a lot of offers on some of my things because the offers were ridiculous and insulting. Instead of selling them, I’m turning around and happily GIVING them away to needy friends because I’d rather give it away and have someone cherish them than have them stolen from me for pennies. So there.

Okay, okay, so I’m over the disappointing garage sale. What is my take away from this event? First, if you want to get your money out of an item, don’t sell it at a garage sale. People only want dirt cheap, extremely underpriced bargains. So sell your valuables on Ebay or Craig’s list or through a classified ad.My second take away from the garage sale is that all of our daily experiences relate to another area of life. As a dating coach, of course I relate everything to relationships. So, have you ever been so hopeful for an upcoming first date that you seemingly spent the entire week getting ready, shopping for that special outfit, and hoping he would be “the one”, only to be disappointed when the day arrived and your man was a complete dud—far from the man you described on your ideal man list? Here’s the great news! If this happened, be thrilled that you have your wish list already written out and you realized you deserve better than the man who showed up for your date! You are far above most of today’s single women who figure “hey if he asks me out he must be worth it.” No he’s not. He has to measure up to what iyou truly want in a man to be worthy of your heart. If he clearly is not that man on date one, he’s not going to improve. Save yourself much anguish and move on. As Scarlet O’Hare says, “Tomorrow is another day.” And there will be another first date around the corner!

For more first date tips, check out my latest book The Automatic 2^nd Date and/or subscribe to my blog at www.mantokeep.com/blog.

Okay ladies, how do I stop you from rushing into another major mistake right after you come out of a devastating break-up? Today I had to carve out time to write this because yet another client and friend is doing exactly that! They have floated up to the clouds falling instanting in love and commitment. Yes, they’ve followed the common pattern of so many women and jumped into a rebound. When you’ve gone through a devastating break-up, please, for YOU, take a sabbatical from any serious relationship, no matter WHAT, until you heal and grow. This could take six months, a year or more. Do the work on yourself and take as much time as necessary for you to reflect on what happened and to face YOUR role in the break-up and why you were in that mess in the first place.You see, no matter how much the victim you are, there is ALWAYS a role you played in the mess, even if it is merely ignoring blaring red flags early on in the relationship. You have to face your part if you want to prevent it from being repeated in future relationships.

Don’t be like the many hurting women who rush into another relationship only to believe this new man is miraculously God-sent and the answer to everything you need. Trust me, whoever this new man is, he is a REAL person with REAL problems and just as much baggage as you (we ALL have baggage). Don’t rush in and believe he is perfect just because he is not your ex. All that will get you is a future heartbreak when you discover the truth that he is not all you thought he was.

Let time pass, then take any new relationship SLOW, no matter how perfect he seems. Pick up FINDING A MAN WORTH KEEPING and get do the work on yourself to find a man that will be worth the wait! For more dating tips and tactics, pick up my dating books and subscribe free to my blog at www.mantokeep.com/blog.