Less than 3 weeks after the US Magazine announcement of an engagement, Bristol Palin has called off her engagement to Levi Johnston. As painful as breakups are, this will ultimately be such a blessing that it ends NOW rather than after the wedding because believe me, this guy is trouble. Anyone who would betray someone the way he betrayed and sold out Bristol and her family would certainly do it again. And forget the excuse that he was young. Character is developed early and this is a guy who not only sold out his ex-girlfriend’s family for media attention, he also rushed out and took it all off in a PlayGirl spread. Yes, Bristol, mourn the loss of love and the loss of your dream of you two being together, but know that one day you will be thrilled with your decision to end it for the second time! (Check out the whole story here: http://hhvx.com/BristolPalin.)

Bachelorette Fedotowsky steps out with fiancé Robert Martinezo in Hollywood

Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky steps out with fiancé Roberto Martinez in Hollywood after the season finale revealed she accepts his proposal. An adorable couple I rooted for all season, I wish them both the best, but have doubts they’ll make it in the long run with their impulsive decision to move in together right away, oh my. Sadly, couples who live together before marriage have an even higher risk of break up than couples who wait for marriage to cohabitant. Not only that, Ali & Roberto have the Bachelor/Bachelorette curse of less than 10% making it down the aisle. The show has exactly two couples who have. And although last night was the franchise’s highest rated finale since 2004, as a Love Coach my main concern for the couple’s chances of success is that they have rushed into moving in together, long before the relationship has had any time to mature. Such a bummer. Ali & Roberto had the most in common, the strongest chemistry, and best shot of a life after the show. Yes, she really liked Frank too, but even if another girl did NOT come back in the picture, Frank was not the best choice for Ali when you look at the whole package–he had recently given up a solid career to pursue a Hollywood dream of writing a yet unwritten screenplay and still lives at home…not exactly currently in a place to support a wife. I’m all for pursuing your dreams, but he could have written his screenplay and kept his day job until he got his break!).

Back to my point about why I’m bummed they rushed to move in together. Once a relationship rushes into sex, communication and respect slow down or cease because the focus is on chemistry. Now that they live together he no longer has to work at winning her over and the relationship will settle into everyday life of “playing house” long before there is a foundation and history together other than the bubble of a fantasy relationship developed in front of the cameras. Thus a relationship that had all the potential to work out in the long run may fall apart merely because they skipped the vital step of laying the foundation. Time will tell.

Jake & Vienna

Jake & Vienna make their much hyped face to face appearance tonight on “The Bachelorette” to explain their breakup after their “He said, She said” interviews they both sold to tabloids. Of course I tuned in for relationship “research” for my readers. Here’s the deal girls….I had watched Jake’s season on ABC’s “The Bachelor”. Yes, Vienna has issues getting along with women and had every gal in the house hating her. Yes, she is alienated back home in Florida and doesn’t get along with women anywhere. Thus, she has a little work to do in interpersonal relationships. BUT, when you watched the interview between the he two of them tonight, oh my, Jake didn’t come out looking very good. In fact he reminded me quite clearly of a leading character in the Julia Roberts starring film Sleeping with the Enemy! He came across as a controlling, angry, freak, oh my. Girls. I have been happily married for over 12 years to a great guy. And you know what? If he measures a room and arranges our furniture and I don’t like it, I’ll whip out that same tape measure and give my own “expert” opinion. And he won’t freak and say “You undermined me.” He’s knows ahead of time that I’m opinionated and I’m going to do it. Also, if I ask him directions and he tells me exactly where to go, I’m going to whip out my GPS anyway and type in the address and he won’t get all angry and lose his attraction for me, he’ll instead expect it and yes he’ll comment in an irritated voice “Why did you even ask.” These two examples are exactly two examples Jake gave to plead his case that Vienna didn’t respect him and totally undermined him every moment and that “no man would be attracted to a woman like that.” Whew….I could go on and on, but let’s just say, ladies, if you’re man is that insecure, controlling and troubled when you’re dating, don’t walk down the aisle, because if self-respect is what you want, he is not a man-to-keep.

Stuck on the freeway on the way to have breakfast with a Single mother of 4 this morning, I popped in the CD of author/speaker Devi Titus and re-listened to her talk on THE TABLE. I was so convicted and inspired all over again. I had gone through her HOME EXPERIENCE study 3 years ago — the beautiful coffee-table-book is prominently displayed in my kitchen to remind me of the life I want to live daily. Today I was reminded of her core message–that actually SITTING DOWN and having a daily meal, face to face with our kids as a family makes all the difference in the world on their life and ours! Much more depth to the message than this brief summary, but so worth your time to pick up one of her two books–every Mom (single or married mom) needs this material–you will benefit tremendously from this wisdom about how WHERE we eat daily affect the quality of our current and future life.

Home Experience by Devi Titus

The Table by Devi Titus

Went to see DATE NIGHT with my husband and a few other couples on our regularly schedule “date night”.  My review of the film? During several scenes you’ll burst out laughing a little too loud as it rings true to your life. It’s a funny premise in concept, but several scenes are tacky–they didn’t need to “go there”. Good enough to see once, just not over and over. Take away from the movie? Have regular DATE NIGHT’s with your spouse and strive to keep it as exciting as when you were dating. For more of my take on dating your spouse, read my latest article on SouthlakeMoms.com

Hi ladies, you can catch me this week on Celebrate Women Radio on WORD 100.7 FM as I chat with host Deborah Collins all about Finding a Man worth Keeping and give my insights for Single Christian gals, whether your single again, or never been married. You can also catch it online live or later at http://www.celebratewomenradio.com/. Show airs Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday 4-4:30 central time April 6-8, 2010. I’ll answer the question: Does God have anything to say about your dating life? Ahh, he does, including my favorite dating secret found in the book of James–follow it and you’ll have a very fulfilling dating life. Tune in and hear more on this and other tips from my two dating books Finding a Man Worth Keeping and The Automatic 2nd Date.

When you make mistakes (and we all do), it is what you do NEXT that matters most. As most of the world saw today, Tiger Woods came out with his official apology after months of absence and silence. He said everything you could have wanted him to say. He took full responsibility for his actions, praised his wife for her “grace” in the circumstances, defended his wife and family, and announced he had been in counseling and rehab this whole time and will be going right back to rehab. Business-wise it was brilliant; golf is happy they will soon (probably not soon enough) get their champion back; and sponsors can breathe a sigh of relief. My feedback as a relationship coach? He has thus far done all the right things (from what we see) to get his marriage back. As he mentioned, it is not his words but rather his long term actions that will earn him back his wife’s trust. But he has made all the right steps thus far. Lesson to be learned by anyone who makes monumental mistakes? There is always hope for tomorrow. You CAN start over. Yes, you will have consequences and major damage control. But it is what you do AFTER the mistake that determines the quality of your future. The public forgets. Those closest to you don’t, unless you sincerely confess and make amends over time.

As a relationship coach I often get sent books by fellow authors for me to check out for my clients. Some are good and some are…well some I don’t tell you about because it’s not worth your time to read. One of the books I recently read, 51 Things You Should  Know Before Getting Engaged, offered thought provoking insight AND it was a quick read which you can skim in 5 minutes or dive in and spend a few hours with when you are ready to get honest with yourself. Whereas I don’t agree with everything psychotherapist Michael Batshaw says in this little book, I do agree that it is important to know what you’re getting into before you grab that ring. And ladies, too often you shy away from really important questions because “you’re in love” and it “just feels so right.”  Wake up and smell the heartbreak! Pick up this book, get answers to your questions from your man (and give him the honest answers from you as well) and find out if you two have what it takes for “’till death do us part”. You’ll be glad you did.

I watched the story on last night that reality star Heidi Montag, at just 23, had 10 plastic surgery procedures in one day back in November and made it clear this will be far from her last. Married to fellow reality star Spencer Pratt, People magazine claims he was not for the surgeries as he thinks she’s perfect as is, rather it was Heidi’s personal obsession. Ladies, I don’t have a problem with plastic surgery in general. I am saddened when it is clearly an addiction, because when it is an addiction, there is much more going on internally and emotionally. Heidi is empty inside and feels that physical perfection is going to fill that void, it’s not. And besides physical perfection is an illusion. She was a beautiful girl before her first surgery in 2007 (if that was indeed her first) and yet that didn’t fulfill her. I dive into the topic of if/when & how often to indulge in cosmestic procedures in both my relationship books FINDING A MAN WORTH KEEPING and THE AUTOMATIC 2nd DATE. Check them out if you want insight on how to decide if it’s for you. In the meantime, if you are contemplating going under the knife journal about it ahead of time to get to the bottom of the real reason you want the surgery. Is it to feel more love? Is it to be accepted? It it to feel worthy? What happens if you don’t get those results? What are other ways to feel these results? Improving bad teeth, a crooked nose or other perceived flaws can do wonders IF you already love YOU and are emotionally healthy the way you are before the change. As you read this, if you find that you, like Heidi, feel empty inside and think that more beauty, more money, more something will fill the void, check out this link!

It’s the end of 2009 and the end of a DECADE. It went fast, didn’t it? As the year and decade comes to the end I’ve been doing a lot of reading and pondering about what has been and what is to come.  Guess what? The next decade is going to be great! One book I came across is an inspiring small little book filled with affirmations that we can all benefit from–especially any woman who is going through an unexpected life transition be it a breakup, divorce, or loss or any type. Just one minute a day with Sonja Samuel’s little book WHEN I ACCEPTED ME can help you push through the pain and jump into hope and happiness. Here’s an interview with Sonja about this fun book:

Victorya: Sonja, Why write about accepting yourself and self-esteem and what are you meaning?

Sonja: Self esteem is the extent to which we like, respect and accept ourselves. It encompasses our beliefs, emotions and behavior. It has been said that 2 out of 3 people at any given time suffers from low self esteem, and low self esteem can negatively affect every part of our lives. The way we think is essential to winning over negativity and boosting self esteem.

Victorya: I agree we all have negative self-talk going on that can be very defeating. Why is self-esteem important to you?

Sonja: Self esteem is important to me because after dealing with a difficult separation and divorce, I found myself struggling to rebuild my self esteem. That whole experience had taken me down a road of despair and depression like I had never experienced before. High self esteem had never been a problem for me so when life became difficult and it challenged me to question myself, I was completely thrown for a loop. It caused me to question my self- worth and value, and in the end I really struggled with accepting myself. I started thinking something must be wrong with me. I had gotten lost in my emotions when it really was about what was going on in my head. High self esteem starts with what we think! Sometimes we suffer from ‘thinking stinking’ and that can present a different set of issues; overall, I learned that to develop high self esteem we must examine what we think because that is what shapes our perspective and allows us to accept ourselves along with the challenges of life from a more positive perspective than negative one. That’s why I focused my book on positive affirmations for accepting me.

Victorya: What are some things we can do each day to help build our self esteem?

Sonja: Here are seven simple steps that we all can do to help our self-esteem: 1) Smile often to yourself and to others. Greet others when you see them and ask how they are and how their day is going. This helps build positive relationships with others. 2) Eliminate the negative. When a negative thought enters your mind, stop and immediately counter it with a positive thought about the same subject.   3) Be nice to others and be nice to yourself. Conversely, don’t degrade others and don’t degrade yourself. 4) Face your fears and forget your failures (after learning from them). Focus on your achievements and successes. Reward yourself when you succeed. 5) Quit thinking about trying to be perfect. No one is, so just accept that as it is. Don’t be too competitive and don’t compare yourself with others. 6) Don’t worry about what others think of you. Just be the best you that you can be. And 7) Hang out with positive and optimistic people who also have high self esteem and self confidence. But when you are around negative people, try to direct your positive and optimistic thoughts in their direction. Don’t let them pull down your level of self confidence or self esteem.

Victorya: This all sounds great….plus I’ve read your book! How can my readers get their hands on their own copy of your fun book of affirmations?

Sonja: WHEN I ACCEPTED ME can be ordered from my website at www.sonjasamuel.com. It would be a great way to start the year and to recharge for the coming year. We are extending it at our special introduction offer of $14.95 because we want to get the book out into as many hands as possible. For me it is a tool for empowering others which is my personal mission in life.